The notice in the lobby

A notice goes up in the lobby of a tower in Dubai Marina.

It reads, more or less: Residents are kindly informed that, further to routine inspections conducted in accordance with applicable safety standards, a temporary interruption to the gas supply will be implemented in order to facilitate necessary works. Management regrets any inconvenience caused and thanks residents for their continued cooperation.

People stand in front of it holding shopping bags and read it twice. When? For how long? Can I cook tonight?

Here is the same notice written for a person:

There will be no gas on Tuesday, from nine in the morning until about four. An inspection found a fault and we are fixing it. Sorry, we know this is a nuisance, especially if you cook at home.

Shorter, warmer, and it answers the only questions anyone had.

Nobody writes the first version because it is quicker. It takes longer. Nobody writes it because it is pleasant to read, either. It gets written because of what it seems to do for the writer. The passive voice means nobody did anything. Applicable standards means someone else made the rules. Regrets any inconvenience means an apology was offered without anyone saying sorry.

The hope underneath all that padding is that formal language turns a problem into a procedure, and procedures are nobody's fault.

It does not work. The residents still have no gas, and now they also feel handled. The plain notice owns the problem and is forgiven for it. The official one ducks the problem and is forgiven for nothing.