The reason behind the reason

A man in Amman sells solar water heaters to households, one living room at a time. He has become fluent in the objections. The tank looks too big for the roof. The neighbour had one that leaked. Perhaps after the summer. What about the warranty?

He answers each one well. It rarely changes anything.

Over time he has come to suspect that the objections are not really the reason. They are the polite version. Underneath, there is usually something nobody in the room is willing to say out loud.

Often it is that a stranger at the door has not yet earned their trust, and no answer about tanks can fix that. Or that the roof, the plumbing and a week of workmen feel like more upheaval than hot water is worth to them.

Neither has anything to do with the size of the tank. Talking about the tank is a way of waiting until he leaves.

Every so often, someone tells him the truth. An older woman says plainly that she does not trust salesmen and her son decides these things. It stings for a second. Then it is the most useful thing he has heard all week, because now he knows what the conversation is actually about, and who it should be with.

Most of us treat that kind of honesty as rudeness. It is closer to a gift. The person who tells you the real reason has done you a favour that the polite ones never will.

The right response is the one we least expect to give. Thank you.