Give people a way out

Most of us know to keep a way out for ourselves. The more useful habit is to make sure the other person has one too.

People who feel pushed protect themselves. People who feel safe usually move toward what they already wanted.

At a market stall, a woman tastes new olive oil and likes it. The seller could tell her it will be gone by Friday and that only the big tin makes sense. Instead he fills one small bottle and says that if her family finds it too sharp, she can return it next week. She buys it.

Nothing about the oil changed. What changed is that saying yes no longer put all the risk on her.

When you push hard, you leave someone two choices: give in, or walk away. Most people walk away, because it is the only move that cannot go wrong for them.

When you offer a way back, the choice gets smaller. They can try one step instead of the whole thing. And if that step takes them where they were already heading, they tend to keep going.

The same holds when you ask a friend for a favour or ask your child to try something new.

So before you ask anyone for anything, ask yourself one question: if this turns out wrong for them, how do they get out?

Make it easy to back out, and more people will step in.