Tell him the point, not the steps

A mother in Sharjah is going out for the afternoon. Her brother and his wife are coming at six, and her teenage son will be home alone until then. She writes him a list. Put water on for tea at half past five. Set out the small plates. Turn the air conditioning down in the sitting room.

He follows it exactly. At twenty to six his aunt arrives early, on her own, and stands in the hallway while he finishes arranging plates, because the list said nothing about what to do if someone came early.

The list was not the problem. The problem was that it asked him to obey rather than to understand. A list works for as long as the world matches what its writer pictured. The moment it does not, the person holding it has two choices: follow it into the wrong result, or depart from it and risk being blamed.

Now imagine she had told him the point instead. Your aunt and uncle are coming, and I want them to feel welcome and comfortable until I am home; here is where everything is. He would still have put out the plates. He would also have opened the door, sat his aunt down and brought her something cold, because he would know what the plates were for.

That second son is not disobeying anyone. He has signed up to the same aim his mother has, which no list can give him.

The same goes for anyone who looks after a customer on someone else's behalf. The person nearest the moment sees what the rule writer never could. Given the goal and the means, most people work out the right thing. Given only instructions, they do precisely what they were told, which is often the most expensive outcome of all.